Chemo Treatment #1

Chemo SUCKS. It was honestly one of the hardest things I have had to endure. The details aren't pretty. I'm brutally honest. It wasn't one of my finer moments. Proceed if you care to. Otherwise skip to the last paragraph. I'm more of my positive self again there.

Day 1, March 1st: Chemo Day
It was surreal sitting in the recliner watching the "fruit punch" (also appropriately known as the Red Devil) drip into the IV that led to my port and into my body. I didn't feel any different yet. I watched several patients come in, several of which just looked at me and shook their heads. I now know why..... it hit me about 5 hours later. I was so sick. Nauseated to the point of not daring to move without the puke bucket right next to me. It was awful. Thank goodness for a night of sleep. It saved me. I know it was everyone's prayers that made that possible. THANK YOU.

Day 2:
I awoke feeling nauseated, but better. I didn't feel like I was going to puke at any moment. I got kinda ready in order to make it into the cancer center for my Neulasta shot. This shot is to help replenish my white blood cell count. Got home. Laid on the couch. So sick. My Mom and Dad came back up. Thank goodness. I needed them. Trav needed them. They'd be here all weekend. It was so nice to have my Mommy.

Day 3:
Pain. Think flu x10. Achy. I could feel every bone in my body--my shoulder blades, my ribs, my back, arms, legs, skull, EVERYTHING! It was from the shot. It was awful. Nothing helped, except for a foot rub. It took my mind off the pain for a moment. Plus I was still nauseated.

Day 4:
Still achy, still somewhat nauseated, plus now I was getting intestinal cramping. GREAT. We're starting out the other end today. YAY. This will be fun....NOT. And it wasn't. Trust me, it wasn't pretty. Mom and Dad left today. Ate some bread and apples--and actually Rumbi's. It sounded good, and shockingly sat well on my stomach. I was sooo exhausted, I could barely move. I had no strength. Today's word was exhausted. Dad and Trav gave me a blessing. It helped heal my soul.

Day 5:
Today I was disappointed. I'd heard I'd feel better by Day 5. I didn't. Not enough anyway. Still nauseated, still had a fire in my rectum, still had severe intestinal cramping, still didn't want to eat ANYTHING, but so weak that I knew I needed food, sustenance. It is awful to make yourself eat when nothing sounds good. I was also disappointed I hadn't handled chemo better. I am young. I should be able to do better than this right? Today I was disappointed and a little down.

Day 6:
Today progressively got better. I woke feeling nauseous and exhausted again, but it lessened as the day went on. I actually felt like eating something again--Subway. It was a busy day though with a trip to the plastic surgeon at Huntsman, a follow-up with my surgeon in Logan about my chemo port, and a dinner with a women's cancer support group in town. Support is therapeutic. Sleep was too.

Day 7: Today
I feel almost back to myself today. Still dealing with bowel issues and occasionally small bouts of nausea, but otherwise I feel myself.

So, 7 days to feel normal again. Then 7 days later another treatment. That was the hardest part of all of this. Knowing I had to do it again. Not just once, but 7 MORE TIMES. How am I going to do this 7 more times? I'm going to do it one treatment at a time, and hope that what everyone says is correct--that the first treatment is the hardest. I'm going to endure, cause that's all I can do. I'm going to rely on the "angels 'round about me, to bear me up" both heavenly and here on earth. My angels. You are amazing. I couldn't do this without you.